I could feel the cortisol coursing through my veins like a reckless motorcyclist. We had just had another blowout. As my heart raced and breathing grew labored, the exhaustion of my relationship with my girlfriend grew more and more burdensome. The toll the stress our constant fights and explosive arguments were taking was unignorable. I felt like I was dying.
Sighing heavily, gripping the steering wheel of my van, I heard the smallest voice in my spirit — “This is not what I want for you.” Though scared, I was overcome with this deep desire to leave my relationship within seconds. I was being given an out. God was calling me.
In one moment, I was able to see the devastation. There was no upside to living as a queer/lesbian woman, and God wanted me free. “It’s time to leave,” this thought bounced softly off the chambers of my broken and chain-bound heart. I began to talk to God aloud, “God, if you want me to leave her, you have to help me; I’m too weak to do it alone.”
These are the steps God laid out for me to walk as I followed His voice out of the LGBTQ lifestyle. And trust me, I made clumsy, sloppy, baby-girl steps, falling over myself with mistakes. But the Father is a place of safety, refuge, and shelter (Psalm 91:2).
Listen to the testimonies of others who were called out and free
When I started counting the cost (Luke 14:25-33) of leaving the lifestyle, the only thing I knew to do was seek other testimonies. There was a time when you could barely find a testimony about someone leaving homosexuality. Or all you had were the same few semi-outdated testimonies to choose from.
God knew I needed something fresh. I hopped on YouTube, hoping someone else was recently where I was, and made it out.
Immediately a testimony from a woman named Kylia Jackson populated. Her vulnerability, authenticity, boldness, and strength were encouraging. Watching her testimony seemed to transfer courage to me to do what I needed to do next.
God had been faithful to her, making her free, loving her through every difficult step. I believed He could and would do the same thing for me. Not only did He free her, but He put it on her heart to start a ministry for people also leaving the lifestyle.
Her courage to say “Yes” to God opened the door to freedom. The door was opened, and the Light was left on for others on the journey to know this little house on the narrow road (Matthew 7:13) is a safe passage.
So I went in.
Join a community
Her community is called Made Whole and is a judgment-free support community for those with same-sex attraction (SSA) who want to leave the LGBTQ community and gain true freedom, peace, and love in Christ Jesus.
I urge anyone leaving the lifestyle to join (or any community like it). Community within a safe and open space to discuss these specific struggles is a component of how we get healing and freedom — from any sinful lifestyle (James 5:16). Made Whole has a weekly accountability group, one for women leaving the lifestyle and another for men.
It was instrumental in helping me endure every little step God helped me take so far. Accountability groups are hosted by a former LGBTQ couple who’ve been free for more than 20 years.
You’ll grow spiritually, surrounded with grace, love, understanding, and prayer. They understand what it’s like to live as a lesbian, gay, or queer individual and choose to leave those identities behind to answer the call of God.
You don’t have to join an LGBTQ-specific Christian community for people leaving the LGBTQ community but find a community of believers sensitive to this particular matter. It is necessary for sustaining your walk with God.
There must be love for those leaving this community because those who’ve claimed to be Christian have not always been kind to LGBTQ-identifying people. I believe God has special grace for us in that regard, so these communities are immense blessings.
Don’t worry about being straight
“Will God make me straight?,” “I don’t want to be with a [opposite sex],” or even “I’ll never marry a [opposite sex here].” These are often the first concerns people have.
It is not uncommon to hear friends within the LGBTQ community make similar statements when you tell them you’re done, “Oh, so you’re going to be straight now?”
The truth is God can only do what you allow Him to do. He can’t and won’t force us to make any choice. God’s desire is first and foremost to love you and show you He can be trusted.
Once you recognize His nurturing love and faithfulness, you stop worrying so much about the life you’re losing (Matthew 16:25) and focus on the relationship you’re gaining with Him.
Maybe not all at once, but you’ll start to desire what God desires for you as you get to know Him through prayer, fasting, His people, and the Word. In reading His Word, you’re heart and mind are transformed (Romans 12:2).
You’ll also start requesting that He change you, make you over, heal you, put a new and clean heart in you (Psalm 51:10), and give you all He wants for you. Even if that means eventually you begin to find yourself attracted to the opposite sex, desiring marriage, or even children.
God can do a quick surgery, or it can happen in layers. Your SSA may or may not go away in the process. However, the attractions that linger are not a testament to your freedom. Whom the Lord sets free is free indeed (John 8:36). And there is no limit to what God can do!
Attraction is just that; God is not mad at you for your attractions. He’s aware that some of us still have them. It’s about what we do with the SSA that’s important.
Start talking to God daily, and ask Christians you know to pray for you, prayer is a fully loaded weapon
For some who are being called to leave the lifestyle … you may be smack dab in the middle of a relationship like I was. Just breaking up with them won’t be an easy decision, even if the relationship is unhealthy like mine was.
You don’t have to leave them in your own strength. I urge you to start talking to God even if you haven’t spoken to Him in months or years, or at all. God is all about the lost, and He rejoices when you come home.
He put the thought in you to consider leaving, so He’s waiting for your response. Listening for your prayer, ready to make way for you to exit.
When I started to speak to God in response to what was being placed on my heart — that it was time to come home, that this was not what He wanted for me, and it never was — the first thing I asked for was strength.
I said to God on my own, I am way too weak to leave her. I need you to make a way for me to end my relationship and get out. I can’t do it on my own. I’m not strong enough. And the kicker, my 33rd birthday, was weeks away when God started to call me to Himself.
Planning birthday festivities made it more conflicting. I had to tell my girlfriend what was on my heart or keep it inside until after my birthday. I’d risk allowing her to celebrate me, spend her money on gifts and activities, and in some ways, invite something God was asking me to let go of into the next year of my life.
It seemed selfish. The guilt of allowing her to do that, even if she wanted to, tore at my heart. I decided to break up with her and celebrate my birthday alone.
Thankfully God had other plans and honored my decision the way you’d hope a Father would. It was a sweet surprise too. I was gifted a free 3-night stay at the Guitar hotel a few cities away and had the most delicious birthday dinner with my mom and a long-time friend.
My room was so luxurious. It was the best hotel I had ever stayed at, hundreds of dollars a night.
Looking back, I wonder if God wanted me to understand something more profound about Him that I hadn’t gotten all the other times I tried to leave the LGBTQ. He isn’t trying to deprive me of good things. He isn’t a mean God. And not a cosmic kill joy — as my spiritual mother would say.
He just has a higher standard than us, and His boundaries are for preserving our hearts, minds, and lives. I was learning the truth about self-denial — it is not easy, but God makes it possible and rewarding. Maybe not always with free 4.5-star hotel stays, but rewarding nonetheless.
God poured a numbing agent into my heart when I chose to tell my girlfriend I was leaving her for God. He helped strengthen me for that day by allowing my heart not to feel so overwhelmed by the pain of that decision all at once. It kept me from seeing her or inviting her to dinner last minute.
Prepare for some pain but ask God for peace
After the reality of my decision set in and God allowed me to feel the deep wounds sin created, the withdrawal-like symptoms were like emotional tooth pulling with no Novocain. Things were coming up at the root.
I’ve been part of the LGBTQ community since I was 13. The actual state of my spiritual condition began to come to light.
I had been bound for nearly 20 years, and it wasn’t just homosexuality. It seemed that God wanted to break me out of all these chains simultaneously; the truth was they had become a comfort. And it wasn’t because they weren’t heavy, but because I was blind.
As I decided to let God take these chains, He started to suggest I allow Him to take a few more, a few more, and a few more.
The chains had become embedded into the skin of my identity, similar to what happens to an abandoned dog whose been tied to a fence post. The skin begins to grow over the chain, and it has to be cut off and sometimes surgically removed from the dog’s neck.
God was doing surgery, and some nights and days, I cried, and I cried, and I cried. Withdrawal from my ex-girlfriend, my old identity, my old friends, mindsets, communities, habits of self-medicating with drinking and smoking, fornication, cussing — they were being called out one by one.
Read your bible daily
God taught me to begin reading the Bible daily, watching church services, and bible teachings online. I experienced deliverance (casting out of demons) and devoured Christian content that would help me walk this out and grow spiritually.
God strategically placed friends in my life who were also leaving the lifestyle. We would confess our sins to one another and lift one another up if we fell.
It will be one year of walking free from homosexuality and a laundry list of other sins in September — I give God all the glory (due respect and honor). I can boast in the Lord that He is my strength and the Truth and the Way.
The only reason I’m alive and walking in freedom is His grace and mercy to change my heart, open my blinded eyes, and show me the very narrow path to follow Jesus.
So if you feel or hear (yes, even audibly) that God is calling you out of homosexuality or the LGBTQ lifestyle, know this — it is God.
The Bible says we can’t even come to Jesus unless we’re called, and it’s revealed to us by the Father that He is the Son of God and our Savior. Flesh and blood do not reveal this (Matthew 16:17). God is knocking on your heart (Revelation 3:20), and it’s up to you to answer the door and walk through it. Jesus is the door (John 10:9).
Ready to answer the call?
Confess your sins to Jesus Christ. Even if you struggle with believing, you can ask Jesus to help your unbelief, give you faith and strength to choose Him, and leave your past behind. As you confess, tell the Lord you want a relationship with Him, to know Him, love Him, and be set free.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, ESV).
Once you’ve chosen to follow Jesus, repent. To repent means to leave all of the things God has called sin and turn back to God. God’s Word promises that when we repent, our sins are wiped away, and times of refreshing will come (Acts 3:19).
Make this prayer yours:
Pray out loud
Father, I hear you calling me out of the LGBTQ lifestyle, and I’m answering the call.
I realize it’s wrong for me to live like this, but it’s not the only thing I’ve done wrong; this lifestyle and all other sin opposes Your original plan for my life.
I believe You sent Your Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins and salvation even while I was still a sinner. Your Word promises that those who believe in Your Son will not perish but have everlasting life.
I want to know You. Please forgive me [name your sins here]. I repent and want to serve you with my life. You love me so much you died to make me free. Your Word promises that if the Son shall make me free, then I am free indeed.
Please strengthen me for this journey. Your Word says your grace is sufficient in weakness. When I am weak, then am I strong. I pray for your protection and covering as I work out my salvation with fear and trembling.
I ask that You pour Your love, grace, and mercy on me in a tangible way. Help me to leave old friendships, relationships, habits, and places behind. Replace these with Godly connections and habits, and fill me with the courage to choose You no matter what battle I face.
Break every ungodly soul tie, Lord. Make plain every step I should take and begin to heal my heart, cleanse my mind, and renew a right spirit in me.
In Jesus name, amen.