Stop Saying You're "Fine" When You're Not
“How are you?” I asked my friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time.
“I’m fine,” she answered almost robotically, averting her eyes.
I paused. “… are you sure?”
She sighed, and then looked up with tears in her eyes like a dam had just broke. “No. Actually, this has been such a hard season. It’s like it’s one hit after another. I feel like I’m drowning …”
She talked for a while describing how hard it has been, how she felt like she was failing her kids, how her marriage was struggling.
“You’re not alone.” I said. I shared with her similar struggles, the trials and hardship. I told her how I was learning to keep my eyes on Jesus in the middle of it all, how He never fails to comfort and encourage me.
By the end of the conversation, we both felt different. In our vulnerability, we had found healing. The truth had set us free.
I am so glad we had both chosen to go beyond surface level conversation. It is considered polite to ask “how are you?” and usually the “correct” answer is a simple, “Fine. You?” But what about when we are not fine? Do we just fake it and lie to try to be socially acceptable?
I don’t think that is the right answer. The world needs honesty, people need to know Christians aren’t fake. We struggle with trials, we have really, really bad days.
Our lives are far from perfect and we all need to know we are not alone.
Not only are their others who can relate to what we are going through, but the Bible says Jesus relates to all our struggles too.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16, ESV).
Hiding our struggles will never bring healing. We need to be honest with someone we can trust, have real conversations and pray vulnerable prayers.
There is no reason to pretend, God knows everything in our hearts anyways! And no matter what storms we face, we can make it through by keeping our eyes on Jesus. He is always good, and He will always provide exactly what we need. There is always hope in Him.
“For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience” (Romans 8:24-25, ESV).
If we stay rooted in God’s love, nothing in life will be able to knock us down. So the next time someone asks how you are, be honest. Freedom and healing will come.
