What To Do If You're Married to an Unbeliever
God’s Design for Marriage
God’s design for marriage is that one man and one woman would covenant together in a marital union (Genesis 2:24). And ideally, the husband and the wife would both be people who love Christ supremely as Christians.
A marriage between two Christians is the ideal biblical model. In a godly marriage, both the husband and wife love Christ more than each other (see Deuteronomy 10:12-13; Matthew 22:37-38).
However, perhaps you were an unbeliever when you were married and in God’s mercy you were later born again. Or, you married someone who claimed to be a Christian who bears no fruit of salvation and actually isn’t one. And the last scenario is that you willingly married an unbeliever and now it’s taking its toll on your marriage and your family.
Regardless of where you are in life, your ultimate goal is to put God’s greatness on display. So, what should you do?
Remain Faithful to Christ
Every marital union performed is as if God has joined them together. Jesus tells us this in Mark 10:7-9 by referring to the first marriage, Adam and Eve.
Every marriage has been “joined together” by God (Mark 10:9, ESV). Therefore, regardless of the spiritual state of your unbelieving spouse, you are to remain faithful to them.
The entirety of 1 Corinthians 7 is about marriage, and specifically 7:12-24 is in relation to being married to an unbeliever. What does Paul call you to do?
Do not divorce them (7:12-13) and live the life “the Lord has assigned” to you (7:17, ESV). Remain faithfully married to your unbelieving spouse, for God has joined you together. So, in whatever condition you are in, “there let him remain with God” (7:24, ESV).
If you are married to an unbeliever, you are not alone, the Lord is with you. Your ultimate commitment is to Christ and is manifest by staying faithful to your spouse. And in this, God is greatly glorified.
Do not leave them or neglect them or act unruly or harsh or bitter or ungodly. Act like a child of God who bears the fruit of the Spirit in all of life (Galatians 5:22-23).
The Closest Bible They May Ever Read
Consider your unbelieving spouse, as you probably do very often. Their spiritual state rightly concerns you. (Romans 8:7-8; Ephesians 2:1-3). Yes, you should invite them to church with you and pray for them often. Yes, it is appropriate to find occasional times to speak to them about Christ and their eternity.
However, one of the most important things you must do is live in holiness before them. If you are in Christ, your holiness matters greatly to them (1 Thessalonians 4:1-5; 1 John 1:5-7).
Christians should be walking Bibles. Your life may be the only Bible your spouse ever reads if they are an unbeliever. Therefore, be the fifth gospel. Let your light shine before them. Be kind and tenderhearted with forgiveness towards them (Ephesians 4:32).
Peter charges wives to live in a godly conduct so that their unbelieving husbands may be won over “without a word by [their] conduct” (1 Peter 3:1-2, ESV). Husband, love your unbelieving wife as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5:25-30). Wives, submit to your unbelieving husbands and respect them (Ephesians 5:22-24).
There is only one exception: if your spouse calls you to do something or entreats you to participate in sin, you must refrain out of your greater love for Christ.
In the end, remember God’s sovereignty in your fiery trial. He has designed even your pain and distress for your good and His glory (Romans 8:28-29). All of your life, even the dark clouds, are ordered by God’s good pleasure (Hebrews 12:5ff).
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Even the hairs of your head are numbered (Matthew 10:29-39). God rules even over and through your pain and sorrow and suffering. Consider Christ in your suffering (Hebrews 12:3).
